Loser
Abha Iyengar







So I had started to play the game. I had to be alert now, all the time, every minute. The rules required that. Why did I enter into this kind of contract, for contract it was: once you were in, you could not get out. It could be that I wanted to prove myself in some way. Maybe I wanted to become the hero I never was. Maybe I wanted to get out of the slothful life I led or was told that I led. Maybe I just wanted to get out of life itself.

I did not spend too much time thinking about the whys. I just knew that I had to get into this, and once in, I have never been as alert as I am now. I am experiencing an adrenalin high, my heartbeat has never been this rapid, my eyes have never been this open, and my arms and legs, well, they are moving like never before.  

I am running. I am being chased by a speeding car. I am running so fast that I can feel my lungs exploding in my chest and my leg muscles aching so much that I am near collapse. I cannot shout for help for that will mean surrender and the consequences of that are far worse than being mowed down by a speeding vehicle. I have never been one for slow torture.  

“Help!” I shout. “Help!” The car slows down behind me and I have lost again.


First published: November 2017
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