The Most Beautiful Girl in the World
John A. Ward
Luke walked into the cantina and sat down.  He pulled a tube of super glue out of his pocket.  “Help me, Ben.  You’re my only hope.”  

“What’s the problem?” asked Ben.  

“I have a date with the most beautiful girl in the world.”  

“Is it Garbo?”  

“It’s not Garbo.  Why did you ask that?”  

“Because those are the words from the song.”  

“What song?”  

“Sinatra sang it.”  

“The Most Beautiful Girl in the World is by Prince,” said Luke.  “ ‘Did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world and was she crying?’ ”  

“That’s another song,” said Ben.  “What’s the super glue for?”  

“I just had a tooth extracted and have a hole in my head, an oroanal fistula.”  

“You mean oroantral,” said Ben.  

“Right, I get them mixed up.  It’s between my mouth and my sinus.  I want to fix it before my date.”  

“Do you expect the most beautiful girl in the world to be looking inside your mouth?”  

“No, never mind what I think.  I just need it closed.”  

“And you want me to close it with super glue?”  

“Yes.  Plastic surgeons use it.”  

“Come here,” said Ben.  He held Luke’s jaw and flipped his head back like a Pez dispenser.  “That’s a big hole.  Plastic surgeons use super glue on cuts, not holes.  Besides, it’s wet.  The surface has to be dry for the glue to stick.”  

Luke took a blow dryer out of his backpack.  “I’ve thought of that.  Blow-dry it then stick it together quick.  The glue dries fast.”  

“I don’t know,” said Ben.  “This isn’t an operating room.  It could get infected.”  

“I thought of that, too.  Cauterize it.”  Luke pulled a Pilot pen-sized soldering iron from his pocket.  

“You have to stop buying your surgical instruments at Radio Shack,” said Ben.  

“Will you do it?” asked Luke.  

“No.  Just stick something in it to stop the bleeding.”  

“Like what?”  

“I don’t know, a tampon?”  

“I can’t go on a date with a tampon in my mouth.”  

“Well, just cut a piece out of it or use one of those foam rubber earplugs that you stick in your ears, the kind that expands.”  

“I don’t need to plug up my ears.  I need to plug up my tooth socket.”  

“Stick the ear plug in your tooth socket.”  

“Say, that’s a good idea.”  

Ben reached into his go-to-meeting gimme bag and pulled out a package of a dozen pair of royal blue ear plugs with a white carrying case that Luke could hang from his belt.  “Here, this was a Christmas gift I forgot to give you.”

First published: February 2017
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