The Seven Year Scratch
John A. Ward
Tapas Winner


A twenty-six foot statue of Marilyn Monroe's subway grate scene can be observed by all in Chicago.  The original scene was shot in New York.  New York should retaliate, so when I retire, I'm going to visit the mayor.  I'll propose that a life-size statue be built over every subway grate on the Seventh Avenue Line from the Battery to 242nd Street, or at least along the Manhattan stretch.  The tracks are elevated in the Bronx.  On my statue, the skirts will be real cloth and will rise when the train goes by, just like in the movie.  The statues won't be bronze or fiberglass.  They'll have the look and feel of real flesh.  Tourists will come from everywhere to photograph themselves next to the lady while the underground zephyr elevates her raiment.  Other live women may emulate her for posterity.  It won't be Marilyn alone.  Every race and nationality will sanctify the shrines, an uplifting experience for all.  The skirts will change with the seasons and holidays.  We may have to glue the panties on the statues.  Vandals will try to take them off.  College boys will want to hang them in their dorm rooms. This will spawn a spin-off industry.  The novelty stores will sell commemorative panties.  I'll do the statues free and make money on after-market products.  I'll probably have to pay royalties to somebody, maybe several somebodies.  Garter belts would be a nice touch, but I can't do that.  One can't mess with an icon.

First published: November, 2011
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