Customer Service
John A. Ward

I was looking for a makeup kit, something that would make Mister Potato Head look more debonair, when I found myself in women's undergarments.  

The saleslady came up to me and said, "Would you like me to show you something in a large brassiere?"  

"How about showing me what's in yours?" I asked.

"Certainly, sir," she smiled, undid her blouse and slipped the strap off her shoulder.  As the cup slid down, I was surprised to see what it held.

"Do you always stuff your bra with silicone cantaloupe halves?"  I asked.

"They're also called muskmelons," she said.  "You know what musk is, don't you?"

"It's an oily odiferous substance obtained from a gland of the male musk deer," I said.

"It comes from the Sanskrit word for testicle," she said.

"And, it's used in making perfume," I said.

"Would you like to smell it?" she asked.

I stuffed my nose into her melon cleavage and sniffed.  "Very nice, but why are you wearing melons in your bra?"

"It's to advertise our new scent over in the perfume department," she said. "It comes in essence, perfume, cologne, toilet water and bath salts.  It would make a perfect gift for that special someone for Valentine's Day."

"Very clever," I said.  "I've half a mind to buy some for you.  What are you doing after work?"

"I'm booked up for the next week, with men giving me their gifts of musk, but I can schedule you for two weeks from Thursday."

"Dinner and dancing?" I asked.

"Sounds good," she said and wrote me into her carbonless-copy sales book. She tore off two ink-impregnated sheets.  "The first one is yours," she said.  "Take the other one over to the perfume counter and they'll ring you up, wrap the gift set and put a card on it."

"I didn't get your name," I said.

"It will be on the card, sir, along with the time to pick me up."

"This is a wonderful store," I said.

"We're a full service establishment", she said.  "We do our best to take care of all of our customers' needs."

First published: February, 2011
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