Culture War
Bev Vines-Haines


I decided to overturn Communism in 1961.† Originally I just wanted to overturn Kruschev.† I had seen the famous Kitchen Debate on television and figured it was more likely the man would see the error of his ways if shown them by a young woman.† We wanted washers and dryers and garbage disposals. †We adored dishwashers and electric skillets.† The first time I saw a microwave oven I almost salivated.†

I would make him understand.

If I could just get to the Kremlin and demonstrate American life by whipping up a pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy on a state of the art Hotpoint, the fulfillment and comfort of our lifestyle would surely attract the despot to our ways. But my mother said they didnít let Americans travel to Russia.† And she explained their propensity to shuttle folks off to Siberia.† So instead, I set about getting a nice education, snagging a good man and having several children.

In the end, the American dream proved a bit hollow.† At least for me.† Washers and dryers, microwaves and eventually even big screen TVs didnít fill all my empty places.† I never actually wore a shirtwaist dress while cleaning after I grew up and my husband wasnít half as wise as Beaverís father.† The world kept getting smaller.† Russia got split up into several nations.† Uri Geller could bend spoons.† We donít have a single appliance that does that.†

Not yet.


First published: August, 2009
comments to the writer: doorknobsandbodypaint@gmail.com