One Man's Feast is Another Man's Poison
Bev Vines-Haines

I used to deliver race horses to Singapore back in the 90ís.† Before that I made a pretty good living taking draft horses to Tokyo, Taiwan and Hong Kong.† People in that part of the world eat horses.† Price of beef over there would take your breath away.† Had to stop doing all that once the animal rights activists got so plain-assed scary.

I have a theory.† Someone ought to shut those fools up in the hold of a 747 with a few of those furry critters they love to protect.† Once the swinging, chomping, swearing and clawing comes to an end, the world should be short a few activists and gain some fur bearing pelts.†

Hereís the deal.† I eat meat.† Hell, I love meat.† Iíd rather sit down to a grilled T-bone any day than a pile of gooey tofu.† Someone needs to strengthen those tree-huggerís balls and spines.† Do they wear shoes?† Never saw a cow give up its leather and live.

As for them being too noble to eat eggs, milk and cheese, well, far as I know chickens do not die when they lay an egg and cows seem to survive that milk giving process.†

Anyway, I digress.† The activists ruined my horse hauling to Asia because they donít agree with eating horses.† Iíve heard of cultures where they eat lizards, roaches and flies.† Next thing you know those hippies will be hiding out in New York City throwing ketchup on everyone who buys a roach motel.†

See, thereís no good place for that kind of thinking to end.† Soon we wonít be able to buy chocolate covered ants or rattlesnake steaks or even alligator bites.† Calimari will be politically incorrect and sushi taboo.†

My point is those assholes took my job, know what I mean?† My job.† I donít have time to sit in a pine tree to keep some logger from cutting it.† I have no stomach for tossing honey on ladies wearing fur or to shoot honest hunters clubbing baby seals.†

Itís a dog eat dog world, my mother used to say.† Those activists can hold out for months chained to a redwood tree or a Spotted Owlís nest yet cannot hold an intelligent conversation. I hope those freaks are right about transmigration or that reincarnation.† I swear to god I am coming back as some holy cow in India or honored furry weasel in the states. †I am going to bite those idiot tree huggers until I chew a little sense into them.† And after that I plan to gobble up their jobs and their kids.†

Canít wait to let them hug that.

First published: May, 2008
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