Monkey See, Monkey Do
Bev Vines-Haines

  Claus Bigelow straightened his wig and swiped a bead of sweat.  Stay calm.  You've done this before.  Don't blow it.  The women's dressing rooms at Nordstrom's were his favorites. (1) 

The employee counting garments simply nodded as he passed her with two gowns, a yellow silk and a soft green chiffon.  He entered the small room and leaned against the partition.  God he loved this.  Here he stood right in the heart of the feminine domain.  He stripped to his shorts and carefully wiped his chest with a moist towelette.  Wouldn't do to stain the silk.  He pulled cool yellow fabric up from the floor and, once draped in it, shivered with pleasure. 

He sat, luxuriating in a riot of sensation.  Then, bent on his mission, he pulled a telescoping rod from his bag and screwed a mirror onto the end.  He pushed it up, turning it this way and that until he could see into most of the small cubicles. (2)

He watched a plump matron struggle into a long-line bra, wincing as the fabric stretched and strained.  He imagined he caught a faintly sour stench emanating from her skin.   He shifted to view the cubicle behind him and saw a younger woman bite off a price tag and hide a mauve shell in her purse.  No class.  No class at all.

Sweat stung his eyes.  Damn it was hot.  Not from viewing the women.  God no.  He watched them to learn.  How they moved.  What they wore underneath.  How they touched themselves as they turned left and right with critical expressions. 

He heard footsteps outside the dressing room.  "All right, pervert.  Get your ass out here," a man's voice boomed.

Bile rose in his throat.  A setup.  Should have known.  Those bitches hadn't even been looking in the mirrors.  He knew people would believe he'd been trying to see naked woman's bodies.  As if. 

Still, he'd played the game, known the risk. 

Someone tried the knob and banged hard on the door. 

He pulled the metal pole close, exchanging the mirror for a blade.  Without a word, he fell on the weapon, watching as blood soaked the silk, staining the garment beyond repair.  With effort, he positioned his body.  The skirt surrounded him, framed him really, and he brought his hands close to his face, letting his pinkies curl.  (3) Would have gotten it perfect, he knew, if he'd had a bit more time.


(1) In truth, this was his 27th entry into these dressing rooms.

(2) While illegal in all fifty states, this item can be purchased on eBay for less than $50.

(3) This photo appeared in the National Enquirer.

First published: August, 2006
comments to the writer: Knob'