Why do you always do that?
Antony Adrian Pino
"Why do you always do that?" she asked.
"Do what?" I asked.
"Tug at your ear just after you sit down at the typewriter?"
"Oh, just a habit, I guess."
"It's an odd habit."
"Just something I do. It's like my "ready-teddy" sign. When I do that I'm ready to write."
"And why do you still use a typewriter? Everyone else writes with lap tops or desk top computers."
I pondered a moment. "It gets me closer to the act of writing. It just makes me feel better. That's why I still drive with a stick shift. I feel that I'm really driving. I'm kind of old-fashioned. You know. I still wear broad-rimmed hats. Modern people don't wear hats. It feels good, feels real --- or it seems that way."
"And you do say 'feel' a lot, and 'seems' a lot too."
"I'm a feeler. That's what most writers are. They feel through things. I want to feel close to whatever it is I'm doing. And a lot of things only seem. Did you ever hear the statement, 'Question reality?' It's a good statement. We never seem to know what's really going on."
She smiled. "And what about me," she asked. "Do you feel good about me? Do I seem good to you?"
"Yes, you do. And I love you."
And she looked up with this little smile on her face. She put her cigarette into the heavy glass ashtray sitting under the open
window, and sat down on my apartment's dingy little bed. The bed springs twanged as she dropped onto it. I was embarrassed,
but she smiled. She pushed her shoes off and lay back on the bed. She tilted her head. Her eyes came to mine, a cat-like
pleasure on her smile. She was beautiful. I couldn't stand any more separation from her. Her hair shined blue-black and her
thick lips reddened. Her ear-rings glittered. She lifted a leg. Her blue Chinese dress pulled up at her knees. I couldn't
wait any more. I had to have her right then, had to put my mouth on her mouth, on her neck, her breasts. She dropped her
head back to receive me and groaned. I got up from my chair to get onto the bed --- but first I pulled at my ear."
First published: August 2005
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