When Rachel moved to Los Angeles, she promised herself one thing--no matter how tough things were, she would not resort to cutting herself, again. However, as the long days went by, and she suffered through audition after audition without result, her resolve began to fail. She would find herself at the local hardware store, for some benign purpose, mesmerized by the display of blades for Exacto knives. Those lovely metal triangular flakes with razor sharp edges; their call to her was as excruciating and undeniable as nails drawn across a chalkboard.

Eventually, the pressure became overwhelming and Rachel caved underneath it. After a grueling day of monologues and “don’t-call-us-we’ll-call-you's” she found herself pulling into the parking lot of Ace Hardware. She entered the store, and once within its air-conditioned confines Rachel found the item she needed with ease and without hesitation.

Experiencing a sick feeling of guilty pleasure as the cashier rang up her purchase, Rachel could not keep herself from smiling. The cashier probably thought she was some sort of wacko, and in a sense, Rachel figured that was indeed the case. She practically raced back to her east LA studio apartment, her mind already envisioning how beautifully the blade would move across and through the surface of her skin.

In the privacy of her bathroom, Rachel ran a hot bath and removed all of her clothes. She carefully examined the fine network of scars that appeared on her upper forearms and wondered what the reaction would be if she actually did find herself with steady employment. Someone was bound to notice eventually; the weather was too warm for her to wear long-sleeved outfits all of the time. Could she risk further marking herself? Sitting in the bath with the unopened package in her hands, Rachel decided it was not worth the risk, yet. But, she also knew that at some point, the need would outweigh the risk of discovery. However, she would deal with that on another day.

Rachel soaped herself and rinsed off. Before climbing out of the tub she once again picked up the sealed package of blades. Using one finger to trace the outline of one of the blades encased within she thought, Not today, but, soon. She might not be able to make the cut as an actress, but she sure as hell could in other ways.