A Loving Loop
Vida Janulaitis

We were going on to the third month, and no end in sight. Actually there seemed one end that no one wanted to think of. It was supposed to be a bright new start for both of us. After a year of both us wandering in different directions we both realized that while we couldn't live with each other, living without each other was worse. I don't know, somehow there would always be a connection, like a lost soul mate, neither one of us wanting to end it, neither one of us knowing what to do. The only thing we knew was that we couldn't start it, not without heartache. We tried that once. I don't know about him but life will never be the same for me. I'm stronger, more sure about myself, but yet I miss certain things. The only thing I know for sure, is that I'm better for knowing him.

Yet this is where it all ends. I look at him lying beside me in the snow, remembering every detail of how he looks tonight. His smile, his laugh, the way he arched his eyebrows, and his beautiful blue eyes. But none of that will keep me alive tonight. I have to do this. I need to do this.

In this frigid weather we were ready to start new, a trip of a lifetime, but then things never turned out the way I wanted them to. Why? I ask God all the time. I never get an answer. Why?

The plane crash has given me a lot of time to think. I don't know. I've come to the conclusion some things are meant to be and some things are not.

The warmth was gone quite awhile, but I've been so thirsty. I just need to overcome it all.

I know that when that last flameless ember goes it might be too late. I would give my life for him. Would he not do the same for me?

With that thought in mind, I lean towards him, sink my teeth into his neck and drink his precious blood knowing he is mine and I'm his, forever. Finally, at last.

In the most intimate way.
I will always love you.
Till we meet again.
My soul mate.

At least for another day.

First published: February, 2003
comments: knobs@iceflow.com