Beware Edna Babblecock, Beware!
Ron Morelli

True story, well except for the lies.

Two penguins were taking their cigarette break outside their office in Antarctica, freezing their flippers off, but the pay is good and the perks out of this world. One penguin turns to the other and says: "Did I ever tell you about the time I almost married an emu?"

The other penguin says: "No, can't say that you have."

"We met during our stint in the zoo. I can't say it was love at first sight, but whatever it was, it grew into mutual admiration until both of us felt pretty sure we should just elope and move to Kansas to be closer to her sister."

"So what happened?"

"Half-way down to Kansas our car broke down, and we ended up on a reservation. We both did odd jobs at a twenty-four hour hairdresser/shish-kabob place called 'A Flameless Ember,' for a bit to scrap enough cash together so we could complete the trip, but as things turned out both of us ended up experiencing a sort of spiritual crisis."

"Oh? Dare I ask what type?"

"Well for me, her Methodist upbringing and my strict Buddhist beliefs clashed a lot. For her it was this recovering alcoholic woodchuck named Foxy Brown who served as nail tech and short order cook on Sundays. Needless to say she's still down on the reservation with the woodchuck, and I'm out here on this piece of ice, freezing my butt off, sharing a cigarette with you. Occasionally she sends me a post card and some pastry."

And with that the penguins finished their cigarettes, it was almost time to punch out.

First published: February, 2003