Beneath the human type-type-send, rides a more meaningful subtext of the Internet -- a place where machines know what it means to connect.
email@example.com -- Hey, how's it going? Long time no see you Instant Message me. Lol.
-- you are mac. i am ... not mac.
firstname.lastname@example.org -- Hey, man, no kidding! It's been, like, forever. How the hell are you, Phyllis, and that extra, big toe?
-- you are pc? i feel like ... such a micro-cheapie. this hertz.
wrem -- Doing ohhhhhh-kay. She had the fourth surgery last week. That extra toe is now in a bottle in the medicine chest.
-- my giga feels your mega pain.
zam -- Bet seeing that first thing in the morning after "Double Margarita Night" at Chi-Chi's, is not so easy, huh?
-- your giga has forgotten the meaning of mega pain.
wrem -- Ha, good one! I haven't touched the devil's waters since the born-againing.
-- it remembers one, ten-to-the-emptiest thing all too well: the race goes not to the swiftest processor.
zam -- Oh, yeah, right! What was I thinking? So how is Phyllis doing?
-- oh, really? in what land of download is your bios running?
wrem -- She should be back teaching Sunday school next month.
-- one with a modern version of the story of the tortoise and the hare.
zam -- :::holds head, closes eyes, squints, tries to think of something positive to say::: Well, that is just, really, really great!
-- and who wins this time?
wrem -- So how is Ingrid and that VISA mix-up thing?
-- three guesses.
zam -- The attorney says she'll be out of Carlsbad in six months, tops.
-- the tortoise wins because the hare keeps ... 1) crashing, 2) crashing, 3) crashing?
wrem -- Good for her! We were all praying for her poor, undocumented soul. And they never followed through with the weapons charge?
-- you've heard it.
zam -- No way. The search was totally bogus.
-- yes. and the moral of the story is what, this time?
wrem -- Good deal! So whatever happened to Cynthia, the female bounty hunter who took her in?
-- don't lose your operating software head.
zam -- As we speak, she's in the kitchen turning bacon in her bra and panties.
-- my apples feel the rotten, flying oranges of your windows pain.
wrem -- That sounds hot. But I'm confident the --
-- thank you. but i doubt the --
zam -- Yeah?
zam -- Hello? You there?
-- hello? you there?