Tales From the Un-encrypt
D.T. Harris

Beneath the human type-type-send, rides a more meaningful subtext of the Internet -- a place where machines know what it means to connect.

wremlem@flapnoodle.net -- Hey, how's it going? Long time no see you Instant Message me. Lol.
-- you are mac. i am ... not mac.

zambistro@flapnoodle.net -- Hey, man, no kidding! It's been, like, forever. How the hell are you, Phyllis, and that extra, big toe?
-- you are pc? i feel like ... such a micro-cheapie. this hertz.

wrem -- Doing ohhhhhh-kay. She had the fourth surgery last week. That extra toe is now in a bottle in the medicine chest.
-- my giga feels your mega pain.

zam -- Bet seeing that first thing in the morning after "Double Margarita Night" at Chi-Chi's, is not so easy, huh?
-- your giga has forgotten the meaning of mega pain.

wrem -- Ha, good one! I haven't touched the devil's waters since the born-againing.
-- it remembers one, ten-to-the-emptiest thing all too well: the race goes not to the swiftest processor.

zam -- Oh, yeah, right! What was I thinking? So how is Phyllis doing?
-- oh, really? in what land of download is your bios running?

wrem -- She should be back teaching Sunday school next month.
-- one with a modern version of the story of the tortoise and the hare.

zam -- :::holds head, closes eyes, squints, tries to think of something positive to say::: Well, that is just, really, really great!
-- and who wins this time?

wrem -- So how is Ingrid and that VISA mix-up thing?
-- three guesses.

zam -- The attorney says she'll be out of Carlsbad in six months, tops.
-- the tortoise wins because the hare keeps ... 1) crashing, 2) crashing, 3) crashing?

wrem -- Good for her! We were all praying for her poor, undocumented soul. And they never followed through with the weapons charge?
-- you've heard it.

zam -- No way. The search was totally bogus.
-- yes. and the moral of the story is what, this time?

wrem -- Good deal! So whatever happened to Cynthia, the female bounty hunter who took her in?
-- don't lose your operating software head.

zam -- As we speak, she's in the kitchen turning bacon in her bra and panties.
-- my apples feel the rotten, flying oranges of your windows pain.

wrem -- That sounds hot. But I'm confident the --
-- thank you. but i doubt the --

zam -- Yeah?
-- yes?

wrem --

zam -- Hello? You there?
-- hello? you there?

wrem --

First published: February, 2002
comments: knobs@iceflow.com