Sunshine Is A Frame Of Mind
Vida Janulaitis

My hands were trembling as I held the letter, my heart was fluttering and I couldn't hold it together. I did what I do best at times like this. I went for a walk. Walking in the rain, it's where I do my best thinking, and I thought of where I was a year ago. It sounds ironic that I would choose Charleston, one of the world's best honeymoon capitals, the last thing I felt was romantic. When I arrived here the bruises hadn't healed yet, so I stayed in my room watching life through my window. I couldn't understand how everyone else could be so happy. How could I have let things go so wrong? What happened to me? I thank God that somehow he showed me back to who I was. I lost so much in such a short time.

I remember my writing before, and afterwards it just stopped. The one thing I loved in life and gave me pleasure I let someone take away. Never again. All I know is that one day I packed my baggage, literally, and walked out the door. The first flight out was here and I've stayed ever since. It's funny but I actually feel sorry for him. He's never going to know how to love. Maybe that's what I wanted to teach him and I got caught in a loop. I don't know. But I do know that I found out how to write again. It's actually become more a living now instead of a hobby. I'm constantly amazed by the recognition of my name and the compliments I receive. But this was my first attempt at a book. I deserve this. I want this. I worked hard for this.

I got stuck in a moment, but I got out and that's what counts. I now write all the time. I find scenarios in my head, stories that won't leave me alone. It's why I wrote this book, to bring myself closer to myself. You can only fail if you don't try.

So here I stand by the water's edge holding an envelope wishing for things good. I talked myself into it and I tear the letter open. The usual greeting and I cut to the main body.

"We wish to meet with you to discuss signing a contract based on your first draft and are intrigued enough to obtain first rights on a series of books in the same fashion. Please get in touch with us at your earliest convenience."

My hands still shake, my heart still flutters, and smiling inside I continue walking in the rain. . .

First published: May 2001