Sometimes Things Just Happen
here wasn't a moment that I didn't think about it. Reflecting back
to the time when my life changed from having a smile on my face to pure
desperation. Time stands still and I wish I had chosen another path but
here I am doomed. Never knowing for sure when I would slip back to the
darkness and one day simply fade away.
Today things became so bad that I needed to get out and find some
souls to talk to. Looking up the nearest meeting, I found one close by
in about an hour. It was three in the morning and the streets of Kansas City
were deserted except for night creatures. We blend into the dark as we
walk unseen to everyone but ourselves and our thoughts. They become
loudest as darkness falls.
I walk into the room filled with companions whose eyes know and
show more about life then you can imagine. We're all here because we
battle things each day. Some know they'll die soon, others wait for the
verdict to fall. Some may even survive. But we all know that waiting is
the worst part.
I imagine the coffee cup to be full of amber liquid and I can almost
taste it. Then reality strikes and the meeting begins. My mind starts
to wander and I hear the words of faith, hope, and I believe in a better
life when I'm gone, it's just that my hell here is taking too long.
Sadly not long enough too.
I look around and really wonder if I had been drinking before I came.
I don't remember. Maybe my disease has progressed too far. Sitting in
the chairs, all I see are ghosts, not white, but a bluish grey variety.
The purity is long gone, and most struggle for faith day to day.
"Hey Joe, where do you think you're going? Stay awhile."
Nowhere. Nothing to answer to, he's been dead for awhile, yet I
hear him every time I come.
I need to breathe. I need to walk. I leave the room and my demons
follow me out into the night.
First published: November 2000