The Spirit of The Puritans
Joe Longo
I 'm not sleeping.
It's the night before Halloween, and I'm trying to remember the name of the actor who played Michael Myers in the horror movies and wondering if he had any other roles in his life, but what's keeping me up is that Annabelle is spending tomorrow night in Salem, Mass. for some witch hunt or whatever it is they do there on Halloween and she's going up with some guy named Aaron whom I never met but interrupted having sex when I called her to ask her what she was going to dress up as. She said it was a bad time to talk but that she was going as an Upatairs Maid with the fishnet stockings and the little dust mop and I told her it was very much in keeping with the spirit of the Puritans and that Hester Prynne would be proud and she laughed for a long time and I asked her if she really thought that was funny or was Aaron doing something to her.
"Fuck you, Rob," she said to me, still laughing and that went on for another ten minutes and I told her that this was better than any 900 number and she really laughed and I'm sure it wasn't because of me and for the hell of it I tried to guess what Aaron was doing and it was like twenty questions that her and I used to play when electricity would go out and all we had were phones but I didn't mention that and after several more minutes I said goodbye and have a nice trip and it took two more minutes for her to hang up because she still wanted to talk.
Now I'm lying on my bed in total darkness at what I guess is three in the morning and I wonder who was more perverted: Aaron, for trying to screw Annabelle while she was on the phone with another guy; Annabelle, for letting Aaron screw her all the while having a sincere conversation with me; or myself, for actually getting off on the whole incident, especially the part about Hester Prynne.

First published: March 1994